Two Words That Are Killing Your Real Estate Deals (And Why John Dutton Would Agree)
Or: How a TV Rancher Accidentally Became the Best Real Estate Negotiation Coach
The Great "Fair and Reasonable" Conspiracy
Picture this: You're in the thick of a real estate negotiation where offers and counter offers are flying back and forth between your agent and the buyer's agent like a tennis match, repair requests are piling up faster than dirty laundry, and then someone drops the dreaded F-bomb. No, not that F-bomb – I'm talking about "fair." Closely followed by its equally useless cousin, "reasonable." Because nothing says "let's make a deal" quite like vague adjectives that mean absolutely nothing to anyone involved in this beautiful chaos of property negotiations.
"Come on, be fair!"
"That's not a reasonable offer!"
"Let's find a fair compromise!"
If you've been in real estate for more than five minutes, you've heard these phrases more times than a country song mentions trucks, dogs, or heartbreak. And just like that overplayed song on the radio, these words have lost all meaning.
What John Dutton Taught Us About "Fair"
In Season 4 of Yellowstone, John Dutton drops this truth bomb on young Carter:
"That's not fair."
"No. Let me tell you what fair means: Fair means one side got exactly what they wanted in a way that the other side can't complain about. There's no such thing as fair."
Now, I'm not saying we should all start wearing cowboy hats and speaking in gravelly whispers (though it would make listing presentations more interesting). But John Dutton accidentally nailed something that every real estate professional should understand: "Fair" is just a fancy way of saying "I got what I wanted, and you can't argue about it."
The "Reasonable" Reality Check
"Reasonable" might be even worse than "fair" because it comes with this air of logic and sophistication. It's like putting a bow tie on a pig – it looks fancier, but it's still a pig.
Here's the thing about "reasonable": it's 100% subjective. What's reasonable to you might be completely bonkers to someone else. When a seller says, "I think $500,000 for my 1,200-square-foot house is reasonable," they're not making a market-based argument – they're making an emotional one based on their personal attachment, their financial needs, or their neighbor's cousin's friend who supposedly sold for that much in 2006.
The Real Estate Commission Comedy Hour
Speaking of "fair and reasonable," let's talk about the elephant in the room – real estate commissions.
Agent: "Our 6% commission is fair and reasonable."
Seller: "Six percent of $400,000 is $24,000. For what?"
Agent: "Well, it's industry standard!"
Seller: "So was bloodletting. That doesn't make it reasonable."
The truth? When an agent says 6% is "fair and reasonable," what they really mean is: "This is what I want, and I've found a way to make it sound logical." The seller might think 2% is reasonable. The buyer's agent might think 3% each is fair. See the problem?
What Happens When We Ditch These Words
Here's where it gets interesting. When you remove "fair" and "reasonable" from negotiations, something magical happens: people start talking about what they actually want and why.
Instead of: "That's not a fair price"
Try: "Based on recent comparables, I was expecting something closer to $X"
Instead of: "Be reasonable about the repairs"
Try: "I'm concerned about the $8,000 roof issue because it affects my financing"
Instead of: "Our commission is fair"
Try: "Here's exactly what we do for that investment and how it benefits you"
The Psychology Behind the Madness
Why do we love these words so much? Because they're emotional manipulation disguised as logic. When someone says you're being "unreasonable," they're not attacking your position – they're attacking your character. It's like saying, "Any rational person would agree with me, so if you don't, you must be irrational."
It's the negotiation equivalent of saying, "I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed." We all know what that really means.
A Better Way Forward
Here's your challenge for the next 30 days: eliminate "fair" and "reasonable" from your real estate vocabulary. Instead, try:
"Based on market data..."
"Given the current conditions..."
"Considering your goals..."
"Looking at comparable transactions..."
You'll be amazed at how much clearer your conversations become when you stop hiding behind subjective judgments and start dealing with actual facts and objectives.
The Bottom Line (Without the BS)
John Dutton was right – there's no such thing as fair. There's just what each party wants and what they're willing to accept. "Reasonable" is just "fair" wearing glasses and pretending to be smarter.
The sooner we admit that every negotiation is really just two sides trying to get what they want, the sooner we can have honest conversations about how to make that happen. And isn't that more... well, let's just say it's more productive than pretending we're all operating from some universal standard of fairness.
Ready to have real conversations about your real estate goals? Let's skip the "fair and reasonable" dance and get straight to what actually matters to you. After 20 years in this business, I've learned that honesty beats diplomacy every time – and your results will prove it.
Contact me today, and let's talk about what you actually want (and how to get it).
P.S. If you're a Yellowstone fan wondering if I have any other real estate wisdom borrowed from the Dutton family, stay tuned. Beth Dutton's approach to hostile takeovers might just revolutionize how we think about buyer representation...
